Tattoo: The Jealous God

This year, a tattoo will be my birthday gift. It will say: The Jealous God, in Hebrew. 

The God I praise is a jealous God indeed. 

However, imagine a relationship without jealousy. A borderless love would not be a boundless love. 

Jealousy keeps relationships committed and intimate. 

It builds trust, and it builds love. 

It builds strength and it builds loyalty. 

I believe it’s the same with God. And even myself. 

Recently, I have focused on freedom. Indulging myself in the idea of complete liberation. 

I’ve planned a future that will facilitate my body soul to do such things and to dwell in new and limitless boundaries. 

Just to then realize, it does not align with my jealous God. 

He have restrictions. He have rules. He have safe words and he have warnings.

He’s like a very beautiful corset that I wear in my waist. 

A coarse leather choker that I find comfort in. 

A pleasure I find in tears. 

Perhaps… Borderline sadistic. 

But He’s also kind. He’s caring and giving. 

He love the way I cling to Him and hate when I go around with other people without a single text message or telepathic thought. 

He hate when I forget Him. And He hate to see me get too close with someone to the point of dependence. 

He do, however, love to see me build a loving and healthy relationship with others. 

When He see that I keep someone else in my heart, He take that to heart and love those around me too. 

He provides but He want me to be grateful. He like to spread and sprinkle love around my life and the ones I love, but wants me to let them know about Him.

He’s like, a boyfriend. 

Is that weird? 

Perhaps. 

Perhaps it sounds like a ‘my clingy ex comes back to life’ scenario. 

But perhaps, it’s a ‘I love you so much I’d take a bullet for you’ type love.

It’s personal. 

This tattoo is personal. 

And I’m ready to take the consequences. 

I hate to admit that I take pleasure in His jealousy. 

I admit I love to take part in His plan of suffering. 

The fear of fuckening was never about me. 

It was about Him. 

He’ll flip knowing that I’m having way too much fun without Him. 

So here I am. 

One month left before I leave a mark to this holy grail. 

And I’m excited for it.