The danger of my over-commitment to Ideas and not actions

Today is another breathing day, and I am not so thrilled about it. My brain is at a prime state, but not my body. 

I am tired, overworked, overwhelmed, and pulling a lot of overtime. 

for myself? Yes. I am happy about that. 

I am building my own future. 

Despite how tired I am, the sudden pangs I feel all over my head, chest, and under eye, I am also getting pangs of ideas.

New business, passion, artistic, writing projects and much much more Ideas that I feel would ‘sell.’ Again, not for my passion, just hoping it would sell. 

Perhaps, that is exactly why I am feeling overwhelmed. 

I have no activity I do when i need solace and peace of mind. 

I have always wanted to paint. 

The idea of art thrills me. But what if it’s just another fleeting want that will pass, and I will end up, once again, with nothingness. 

And honestly, the non-existence of spare time.

This is also my fault. My time-management skills down the drain. 

There are too many priorities. 

My typical self being driven by results and not by the process.

Such shame. An overwhelmed, over achiever. 

What do I have to enjoy at the end of the day?

Hopefully a home. But that too, shall pass. 

If flowers withers, and my soul faints, what is life to endure when achievements are only a passing memory. 

I wear butterfly earring, rings, and bracelet to embrace freedom and my free spirit, but perhaps, it is just a painful reminder that life is a cage. 

To be free, is only a state of mind. Not physical.

I am walking towards that. 

I can feel it. 

A more free, state of mind. Not free in norm, or physical forms.

I am free, wherever I am. 

A wandering butterfly, in my little head. 

Perhaps the only reason I over commit to ideas, and not to action. 

Could it be that discipline, may be the road to freedom through flesh?

Whatever it is, here’s a dump of what my dumptruck head looks like or sound like..